i thought i'd write today, and ignore all the thoughts of inadequacy i have towards myself that too often stop my creative process before it begins. unfortunately this happens more times than i'd like to admit. so today i will ignore thoughts of not being good enough, of thinking nobody's going to read this anyway so what's the point, of never making deadlines i set for myself so why bother, etc. today i will block all this out and just write.

i read a quote in a bk this morning - "Writing is like driving at night. you cannot see beyond your headlights...but you can make the whole trip that way!" hmm, i'd say the same could be said about life. there's an element of wonder in all this, though, to see how everything will turn out since you can't really know the result during the process. i had to create my whole album that way. and yes, it was wonder-full and rewarding to see the end product after all the night driving i did to get there

so what's inspiring me at the current moment? well, i've had a little idea brewing for a bit now, i thought i'd start a series of blogs starting the next one, i think i'll call it "Song Portraits". but i will not set deadlines because the perfectionist in me will prohibit me from getting very far if i miss one or god only knows what may shut me down! Anyway, i'll write about what the song is about to me, what inspired it, maybe the messages that may be unclear to the listeners initially...paint a portrait of it for you, really and since my goal is to share my music with everyone, i'll give you the download of the song i'm writing about.

and the other source of inspiration i have right now is a very dear friend and mentor of mine who is 75 years old. i couldn't have finished my album or come to this point in my life as a sane person without my monthly talks with her. she has been an angel sent to me to navigate this world. unfortunately yesterday i got the news from her daughter that she is in the hospital and we all must prepare to say goodbye, most likely. so this, and so many of my past creations and future ones is for her.

Just finished a peek-a-boo egg and the whole time i had thoughts of what i would write about in this new blog. it's been months since i've written one, and i finally cracked and decided to go for it instead of hiding. not only have i been hiding from writing, but from songwriting as well, and it's been taking a toll on my spirit. but that's over now, as of 2 days ago! i'm blooming once more ...or starting to, at least.

A couple days ago I made an agreement with what i will call the Higher world, and decided that for 9 days i would write in my journal (or blog!), and sit at my piano for at least an hour everyday, among other things. so far it's left me feeling refreshed and almost new. The writing has calmed me down some, and has helped me to delve deeper into myself to see what might be lying there. it has taken me much courage to initiate all of this because sometimes when you delve deep, you may find something you don't want to find. but i think i've taken the necessary time and am ready to see what's in there. it's taken me a bit just to get to this point, but i was rewarded with some song lyrics about all of this a few wks ago! And when i sat at my piano yesterday, ideas flew through me, which i'm grateful for! At least i know that if i create, no matter what i may be going through, i can find solace at least for a little bit

Today's journal entry did make me realize all that i have to be grateful for though, (so many things!!) so i will focus on that for as long as i can! And i have been meaning to do a cover to post on all of my pages of a Sarah MacLachlan song called "U Want Me 2". First off, i her, her music and her as a person inspires me to no end. so i thought it appropriate to do one of her songs. the plan as of now is to do this tomorrow, so hopefully i can share it soon! Music heals, and my goal still remains the same, i hope to impact people with it in whatever way i can. I want to somehow heal something in others -whatever it may be- just the way it heals me

I woke up this morning with a gift of an idea. an answer actually, to something i've been pondering. i knew as soon as i was conscious, barely out of my sleep that it was exactly what i've been waiting to come up with. but i struggled about getting out of bed and writing it down, i was enjoying lying down amongst my rose-scented-down-filled pillows and comforter! but i forced myself to get up because i've lost ideas enough times before, and i wasn't going to lose this one.

i love the mornings when this happens, i always feel as if i'm in the midst of something almost magical. the most magical ones are when i wake up with a melody of a song. i hear them in my dreams sometimes and if i'm lucky, i can still hear them when i'm barely awake. a true gift from somewhere, really, as i am a songwriter and i know how much work and effort can go into writing a song. the ones that i dream, or the ones that flow out effortlessly are the ones where i feel like i'm getting more assistance than usual. and i am always so grateful.

what i got today, was the way i will thank my parents on my album cover. i've been taking the necessary time to write out all the thank you's on my soon-to-be-released album. it is something i take very seriously, to the point where i get overwhelmed at the possibility that i won't be able to convey exactly what i want. but as with anything in life, if i take the necessary time and put my heart into creating something that reflects myself and what i want to convey, the answer comes in one way or another. this is how i've been able to come up with all the thank you's and dedications i've already written so far. heck, this is how i come up with ANYTHING i want to create!

so, bottomline, i must always keep my senses open to whatever i may be receiving, ESPECIALLY if i've asked for it

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