Groggy, with a gray cloud encompassing my head, is what i felt when i opened my eyes today. It was one of those mornings that could ruin an entire day easily, where the goal would be to just get through it, go to sleep, and hopefully wake up to something better. I’m sure part of it had to do with my loss of my beloved FREEDOM, after my delightful 2 week holiday-relaxing-plenty-of-free-time vacation, and i also am a creative spirit, and we creatures like our boundaries to dissipate sometimes so we can fly anywhere we please at anytime we want
i, however, did not want to squander away a whole, potentially glorious day, so i pulled out my list of “Things To Do When Everything Sucks”!!
- take a bath
- go outside on a walk
- drink a raw juice
- yoga or work out
- hang with boys (my nephews!!)
- write in journal
i contemplated what moves i’d try as i sipped my morning herbal tea, checked my emails, and read the blogs i follow. well, taking a bath was out, because that would entail scrubbing the tub, which was definitely NOT something i was in the mood to do. go outside for a walk…well it is the dead of winter so that didn’t feel very inspiring either. drink a raw juice - i had just made and drank a huge batch yesterday, so was raw juiced out. yoga or work out - i literally yoga-ed last night before bed (quite a vigorous DVD, actually, and also a great one by Sadie Nardini), and i didn’t feel like dragging my ass to the gym. meditate, yes i could do that. hang with the boys - well, they are at school now, so of course, no. and finally, write in my journal - i could do that.
SO, the first thing i did was pull out my journal. and of course everything that first came out were complaints, blah blah blah, about how i feel depressed and blue. but of course at the end of it, i knew that this is a very helpful process in trying to turn things around for the brighter. writing it all out helps you to literally empty it all out of you onto pages through your pen, and it somehow ends up making you feel better. and in the process, you come to realizations, or insights to helping you out with whatever you need at the moment. so on a "crappy day journal entry", it usually starts out complainy and whiny, but by the end it ends up being more hopeful.
by now i felt a little better, so decided to try meditating for 10 mins. i chose an uplifting one, closed my eyes, and was soon in another zone that left a smile on my face. while journaling for me, releases energies and sometimes gets all the junk out while bringing me some calm - kind of like talking to a really good friend, meditating often times helps me with inspirations to do things, and gets me to listen & receive somehow. well during today’s, i was particularly inspired to write this blog, and found myself jotting stuff down in my notebook, points i wanted to cover
and as for the rest of my list i “couldn’t” do today, i decided to think outside of the box. well, no bath? long hot shower! and scrub myself with my new moisturizing honeysuckle bath gel! (i usually favor fruity, or sweet, warm scents like chocolate or ginger, but i thought i’d try something new!) And then slather myself with my current favorite - Josie Maran body butter in the apricot vanilla scent, which is so light and creamy it’s like covering yourself in whipped cream!! (i have an absolute obsession with body creams if you haven’t noticed, and already have my eye on a couple more i want to try after this runs out )
after my shower, i was starving so i nourished my body with a bean & kale minestra i made yesterday, a recipe i got from a Moosewood cookbook. Moosewood is an amazing vegetarian restaurant Joseph and i ate at while we were vacationing at the Fingerlakes in NY. highly recommended. this dish is one of our favorites and a staple meal now in our house. the broth is thickened with pureed beans to make it thicker and heartier, and is flavored with sage and is oh so good!
and as for the exercise? i decided to get my hand weights and do sets of 6 different arm workouts, then my crunches, then my butt lifts. yes, i said butt lifts. there’s nothing like working out to immediately make you feel better
i then lit my green Aloha Bay tapers (made with palm wax which dissolves instead of dripping!) which i LOVE, sprayed my entire work space with an essential oil blend spray i made, consisting of: water, chamomile oil and lavender oil for calm, clary sage oil for clarifying, and lime oil for brightening. and now i’m sitting in this lovely cloud of magical scents, typing away
blogging always lifts my mood no matter what, so now i’m truly and officially in a good mood, and can more easily notice the things that make me happy right now, like all the continual traffic i’m getting on my website (thank you soooo much!!!), and the ornament my cutie pie nephews made for me for christmas!! (i couldn’t visit the boys, but i could look at something they gave me - think outside of the box, wink wink, nudge nudge) It’s a heart, which i thought was perfect since my theme for this year is LOVE, and to make it more sweet, it says “I Love you Kiki!” on it, awww, how special is that??
am i a lucky girl (lady??), or what? and a happy one too, thank you very much!
So i wanted to wrap up my 2013 year in the right way, that is, the right way for me. and this year i thought that would be from a hotel!! so right now i am in a Marriott hotel near my house, yes, you heard me, i am staying at a hotel near my house, haha!
now why would i go to hotel near my own town, you may ask? well first, i LIKE hotels. i like how i don’t have to worry about cooking and cleaning, and i can pick up a magical phone in my room and anything i want will be delivered to me, pronto. i like how i can leave to go get some (complimentary) breakfast, and while i’m gone, my room will magically get cleaned and organized. i like being able to walk down the hall, go down the elevator, and walk right into a restaurant for dinner (again, no cooking & cleaning up!). i like taking baths in a tub that i don’t have to scrub. and second, i feel my creativity & inner voice strikes stronger when i am in a different environment than what i’m used to every day. i can really clear my head and find exactly what my heart is saying, without being influenced by everyday chores and reality.
So, i am typing away on my Macbk Pro (a hand me down from Joseph), with a glass of red wine in hand. i have just finished reflecting on my 2013 in Leonie Dawson’s “2014 Create Your Amazing Year” workbook. I just love her workbooks (and i highly recommend them!) because they inspire me to envision and make happen, all i want for the new year. it also helps me reflect on the year that just ended. the reflecting, for me, is the best way to be able to really see what i learned in the past year, how i grew. and with this knowledge, and with this new & improved me i have become, i can create and plan magic for the next year!
So, what i wanted to share with you - a list of all i did or accomplished in 2013, and all the wishes that came true! i always reserve the first few pages of my current journal for things i’ve done or that happened that make my heart sing, and as they happen, i add them to the list
- i was able to share my video of “Little Angels” to a lot of people ( i hope it was able to bring some comfort and love, my goal for writing this song)
- i performed in a female singer/songwriters showcase in Brooklyn
- i sang for a Japan Benefit in Brooklyn
- i saw Dimitri Martin doing his standup comedy at the Tarrytown Music Hall (i bought tix for Joseph for his bday!)
- i was wined, dined and spoiled in NYC for my bday weekend (thank you Joseph!)
- i saw the broadway play “Once” in NYC and loved it (beautiful, the musicians were all right on stage too!)
- i saw a play called “Hikobae” in NYC, about the tsunami in Japan (it was beautiful and moving)
- i did a TON of hiking (food for my body and soul)
- i made a mother’s day pesto bar for my mom at my place
- i went to Woodstock with Joseph for Memorial Day weekend, and dedicated it to finally celebrating my “Child In Me” Album that i never let myself feel proud of (yes i should have done this in 2011!!)
- climbed to the top of Overlook Mountain, during this getaway (it was not easy!!)
- we created a business name and official biz for any and all of our creations (called kikijojo LLC, heh heh, yes i’m serious. it has numerological significance!!!)
- i sang my stuff on the “Alive with Clive” show
- i went hiking a lot with my favorite boys on the planet, my nephews, and carved their names into a tree
- i wrote “Wedding Song”
- i had the best wedding reception ever, with family and friends!!!
- i had an internal breakthrough with my parents. i forgave everything that was less than ideal from my childhood, and in the process, realized i really have the greatest parents i could ask for
- i paid off my student loan, haha!!
- went to two of my friends’ baby showers (congrats Mino & Amber!)
- went to Fingerlakes wine country and Ithaca for our FIRST honeymoon with Joseph (it was soo wonderful, and Honeymoon #2 will be in France and/or Italy!!)
- i recorded a few music videos with my sister and childhood best friend Mary (they turned out beautiful!!)
- i went to the Renaissance Fair with my sister and my favorite boys on the planet
- i joined a wonderful gym
- i went to Woodstock again with my parents and sister and kids!
- i broke 400,000 hits on my website ( i thank you so much for visiting me, from the bottom of my heart)
- i went on a 7.3 mi hike (goal is 10 miles!)
- i met Francesca Lia Block!!!!!!!! a dream of mine and she knew who i was and liked my outfit and said i was pretty!!!!!!
- i went to go see “Rock & Roll Debauchery”, which my friend Ronnie Negro played drums in and hung out with him and his lovely wife Deeanna afterwards
- i got a tarot card reading from The Tarot Lady (i highly recommend her, she’s great!!)
- we celebrated our first year of marriage in CT, at a Bed & Breakfast, and had a wonderful time with wine and oysters and truffle fries!!!
- i helped put on a kick ass holiday choral concert at Clearview School in Briarcliff!
- i took a bubbly wine class
- i got a gratitude journal app on my iPhone (and religiously record everyday what i love about my life!)
- i had a wonderful Christmas eve celebration with my family
- i had a wonderful Christmas day celebration with Joseph, and got the most wonderful presents, including the Leonie 2014 workbook, and a Sark “How To Be an Artist” blanket!
- i did a 3 day cleanse (raw veg/fruit juices, all veg and non-meat protein diet)
- 2 nights at a hotel to write this blog, and reflect on 2013 and dream up 2014!
So that’s what i have down on the first few pages of my journals, everything that sang to me that i was able to do. But i have to say that the biggest things i got from this year, 2013, was the lessons i learned. i learned to forgive. and in being able to do that, i was able to live and dream, and gain a knowing that i can now set out to make magic happen. i also learned that nobody is better than me, and i am not better than anyone else. a key lesson for me, probably the biggest and something i know i have needed to learn. and also love. that is what i want to give the world, project to everyone around me. there is only love. i also learned to LIVE again. 2011 and 2012, i was stuck in fear. but maybe i needed that to process and learn things. all i asked was to be able to FEEL again. and i was able to. and i am so grateful for that. i also know that yes, we have a portion of responsibility to fulfill. but there is also timing. things will happen in the right time. and sometimes, in order for the time to be right, certain lessons must be learned, certain life experiences must be experienced. certain things must happen before others can come to be.
and i just wanted to say, i am grateful for it all. even the hardships. because through them i am able to get to the next level, to learn the lessons that need learning. to be able to see things clearer, to see why things happen the way they do.
so, here’s to a wonderful, magical, 2014. i hope all of your dreams come true. i know some of my dreams have happened, some are happening right now, and some will happen in 2014. in any case, life is magical at every moment, and there is always a treasure if you look. and remember, there is only love
I woke up with a feeling of lightness and a slight excitement, and a KNOWING that today would be a lovely little day i was right when i looked out my window and the world was covered with sparkly, glittery, fluffy, calming white snow! and watching the delicate snowflakes continually drifting down over the already snowy whiteness just made me feel so peaceful and happy and taken care of
and all i could think was, “i soooo needed this, and i GOT it!!”. i knew, this was the answer to my prayer last night! i didn’t formally ask for snow today, or a day off, but i was going slightly crazy from being overworked! like cray-cray-starting-to-lose-my-marbles, really.
when i came back from a full day yesterday, all i could do was stare at my iPhone and play Dots. my brain and body were just fried. and i stayed up till 1AM like a zombie, just so i wouldn’t have to sleep, because sleeping would mean i would have to wake up and face another crazy day!! i looked in the mirror an hour before i finally drifted off (i was STILL playing in the dark while lying down till i fell asleep!), and i seriously looked like a MAD WOMAN!! Now, if you look as bad as i did last night, and if you are clinging to your phone for dear life playing freakin’ DOTS, and if you are refusing to go to sleep so tomorrow won’t come, then YOU NEED A BREAK!! like pronto!! hahaha.
(Now i just want to make a note here that this is not normal behavior, its the friggin holidays!! i didn’t have much of a break weekend at all with all the chores and errands and shopping that had to be done the whole time! Like not even one second to just stare at the wall!!)
Anyway, the point of this story and the reason why i was so deliriously happy? I felt heard and take care of! and it was proven all over again how the Universe really has our backs!! i didn’t even know i needed a break and i was granted one. and i’m so gratefully happy to feel understood.
But it’s not just about snow and days off, it’s apparent in life if you really take a look. which is why one of my favorite quotes has always been “An unexamined life is not worth living”. if i look back on my entire life, it seems as though i’ve always had an invisible little helper leading me in the right direction. and of course i’ve take many wrong turns, but that’s just what humans do. take wrong turns, learn, then keep going. and we grow from it all, really. and then from time to time, life just hands us these beautiful gift wrapped packages. and of course there are the everyday, just-as-pretty packages we get, if we take the time to be notice and we get to feel over and over, like we’ve always been heard and understood.
and speaking of wrong turns, i may have taken just a little one with all the complaining i’ve done, about SNOW, the very snow i worship today. but i think that’s been canceled out with all the raving i’ve done about it today, haha
Wow, all this and i was really just aiming to write about SNOW, honest!! Anyway, now Joseph & I are off to bundle up like Eskimos and venture out into the snowy wonderland and treat ourselves to lunch out, if anything is open!! and maybe i’ll be able to take some pics on my iPhone to include in this blog. and speaking of wrong turns on my part (again!), do you know who’s probably even more grateful for this snow than i am? Joseph! because he’s had to DEAL with this mad woman (now turned serene woman with a very ladylike smile on her face) for the last 24 hrs! ;D